Things You Should Take Note Of If You Are My Child

• A shower does not require half a bottle of shampoo, especially if Mama has already given you your summer haircut.
• If you tell me you have showered but I can still smell hockey hair when a foot away from your head, I will help you with a second shower and the water will be cold, since you used up the hot water in your first shower.
• Since you used up your entire bottle of shampoo in your first shower (on who knows what, since it was not on your head), I will use the flowery awful kind I got in the giveaway that time and you will have to go to school smelling strongly of cheap perfume.
• If someone asks you how the brothel was, I am not going to explain it to you.
• Did I mention the cold water?
• Because I am certain that I mentioned the cold water part before.
• And I know we've discussed the shampoo part before.
• In fact, you have had to use your allowance to buy more shampoo than you've been able to buy candy or toys.
• So the water? Cold?
• And the shampoo? Should still be in the bottle?
• Why, oh why, were BOTH of you so shocked by the freezing floral cleansing treatment?