Wait...I Gave The Wrong Speech?

The boys have been attending Nerd Camp (more on that later) this week. Two days in, Chris was pulled aside at drop-off to be told of a "behavior incident" involving Ross. He called me immediately upon return to the car, fuming, but I had to hang up without the story as my meeting was starting up. When I got home that night, Chris said Ross wanted to talk to me himself...so I waited.

Tonight, Ross came out with it. His camp group had been playing a game of keep-away and there was some shoving and he might have been a little rough. I thought it was odd that a day-camp counselor for 3rd and 4th graders would have reported some shoving to a parent but I come from a land where kids his age were left at home on their own during summer days while mom & dad worked - I'm told it's different now and I try my best to compensate.

I talked to Ross about two things. First, as a hockey player, he instinctively positions himself well during shoving. On skates, he can shove another guy and not fall over - in sneakers against a kid who does not play hockey, Ross is a brick wall. I told him he needs to remember that because he could easily hurt someone without meaning to. Second, I talked to him about "Little Man Syndrome." Ross is not a big kid - in fact, he's a pretty small kid and it's not news to anyone. He has been dwarfed by his two-years-younger brother since age 3; he knows the score. We talked about how small guys sometimes feel like they have to act tough to prove they are Real Guys...but how all the tough-acting really just makes them look silly and everyone else will tend to avoid them.

Ross seemed to digest both points pretty well and I tucked him into bed feeling that rare moment of parenting pride in a job well done. I got downstairs and Chris asked if Ross had told me - I said yes and explained the bones of what we'd talked about. A while later, Chris and I were joking about something and he said, "Here's the part where we sand the TEETH MARKS off the girl Ross bit." The look on my face while I processed this statement must have been a doozy because Chris immediately realized Ross hadn't let on about the bite.

Even with the kids in bed, I had to struggle for composure. When I reached it, I leveled a calculating gaze at Chris. "You mean to tell me that I gave the WRONG LECTURE? I was up there all understanding and patience, thinking he needed help learning how to navigate the world while 6" shorter than his peers when I should have been filing down his teeth?"

"Yes."

"We have more wine?"

"Yes."

"Good. We need it. NOW. Otherwise, I'm getting the belt sander."