Monday, February 4, 2008

Cafeteria Tactics

It was a sunny, surprisingly warm Sunday morning. The children were up, dressed and even had their hair brushed. I'd been to the Farmer's Market already and even made brunch. We all sat around the dining room table together, eating brioche french toast with bacon and, because none of that was even remotely nutritious (and it wasn't even Thursday), some fresh strawberries.

I saw it coming long before it happened. Sarah got an impish glint in her eyes. Holding a chunk of pure maple syrup-drenched french toast she debated. Eat it? Wing it at Mommy? I knew the route she'd take. I sensed it. She hauled off and threw that sticky, moistened bit right at me. It landed in my plate. Sarah throws like a girl (of course). Here, I thought was the opportunity to teach my youngest table manners. To let her know that there is absolutely nothing acceptable about throwing your food.

I must act quickly! This is always my thought because we believe that raising a child is nearly exactly like raising a dog - if you don't respond fast enough they forget why they're being punished. Fine, laugh all you want, but sternly commanding "sit!" has on more than one occasion prevented insurance-deductible-meeting injury. So there we were, frozen in time. Kate forced back a giggle. I looked at Sarah. I took aim, and threw that soggy bit right back at her.

We volleyed several times, everyone at the table giggling wildly until, in one of her finest comic moments, Sarah declared victory when she picked up the toast as if to fling it, and then ate it instead. Then she threw her fork at my plate.

I confess I enjoyed it. But I cringe a little, anticipating the call from daycare at some point this week...


karen said...

I can't award any points for this as it appears you were neither disciplining your child nor annoying the snot out of her. In fact, with all the mirth, I'm inclined to subtract a point! So, there you have it: -1 WMP for excessive mirth.

Sister K said...

i'm sorry...i agree...everyone had too much darned fun! LOL...when the kids go to school and get detention for starting the food fights, i recommend you get mega pts. back! you know everyone secretly wants to start a food fight!

FlapScrap said...

You are a crummy mummy. If you're going to teach cafeteria protocol, here's how it goes -- pay attention:

Walk in and find the biggest, meanest looking thug in the place. Throw your whole tray of food in his face and then WAIL on him mercilessly until he's a pile of hamburger and the warden himself is pulling you off. You're screaming, "I'll KILL YOU Uncle Seth! I'll KILL YOU!" Also, it's good to keep a sharpened piece of metal in your waistband.

You must have a code that you can live by. Teach your children well.