UPDATE at bottom:Apparently our daughter just has issues.
I always have her go potty before we leave the house. We got to preschool 15 minutes later, and she peed her pants on the way to the toilet. Sigh. She didn't want to change clothes, so OK, her choice. She went off to her class. When I picked her up, she was in new clothes (from her backpack). She peed her pants in class, and didn't want to change. The next time the teacher took a group of kids to the potty, she asked our daughter "would you like to come too, and bring your backpack (with clean clothes)" That would be a "yes".
So, they are dealing with her really well at school. Each time she pees her pants they tell her she has to keep her pants dry to go to kindergarten. And they make her change and clean herself. Exactly what I want! They have the same policy and me, and I think it's good for her to have self-care skills. She is sorely behind in that one.
I always have her go potty before we leave the house. We got to preschool 15 minutes later, and she peed her pants on the way to the toilet. Sigh. She didn't want to change clothes, so OK, her choice. She went off to her class. When I picked her up, she was in new clothes (from her backpack). She peed her pants in class, and didn't want to change. The next time the teacher took a group of kids to the potty, she asked our daughter "would you like to come too, and bring your backpack (with clean clothes)" That would be a "yes".
So, they are dealing with her really well at school. Each time she pees her pants they tell her she has to keep her pants dry to go to kindergarten. And they make her change and clean herself. Exactly what I want! They have the same policy and me, and I think it's good for her to have self-care skills. She is sorely behind in that one.
After school yesterday, I took all the kids (takes 1hr 40minutes to gather five kids from three schools) to the dentist. We went potty as soon as we got there. I got taken off to get my teeth cleaned with some of the kids; my husband went his way with the others. While we were there over the course of an hour, our 4.5yr old peed her pants right in front of my husband. She was just sitting on the carpet, peeing her pants. She did not speak up until she was already peeing. My husband is totally frustrated.
Personally, this works better for me to see that she is doing this everywhere, and not just at our home. In public, at school, at church, she's starting to see the negative effects of her behavior.
Speaking of self-care, she really has trouble getting dressed. Much of it is just really confusing to her, and I'd say she is a couple years behind in those skills. Today at my allergy doc appt, I told her to take off her tights and put them on right. They were backwards. She took them off, and struggled with them for about an hour, crying, screaming, bawling, and throwing herself around on the ground the entire time. I told her "You are showing me you are really tired. That would mean you need a nap as soon as we get home. It would be sad for you to miss lunch and go straight to a nap." She took it down a notch, but not much better. Still did the routine on and off. It's not like I haven't showed her how to get her tights on. Even today when she was doing it, I showed her multiple times which way is the front. Personally I think she does struggle with this skill, but if I do it for her every time, she'll never learn. I'm not going to handicap her further by stunting her independance. She needs to be pushed gently into independance, like today.
So, according to her, "It's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better to be at preschool than this house!" since I had her do her own tights.
I'm snorting a little because if she ever wears tights to school, they will tell her to dress herself there as well.
Speaking of self-care, she really has trouble getting dressed. Much of it is just really confusing to her, and I'd say she is a couple years behind in those skills. Today at my allergy doc appt, I told her to take off her tights and put them on right. They were backwards. She took them off, and struggled with them for about an hour, crying, screaming, bawling, and throwing herself around on the ground the entire time. I told her "You are showing me you are really tired. That would mean you need a nap as soon as we get home. It would be sad for you to miss lunch and go straight to a nap." She took it down a notch, but not much better. Still did the routine on and off. It's not like I haven't showed her how to get her tights on. Even today when she was doing it, I showed her multiple times which way is the front. Personally I think she does struggle with this skill, but if I do it for her every time, she'll never learn. I'm not going to handicap her further by stunting her independance. She needs to be pushed gently into independance, like today.
So, according to her, "It's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better to be at preschool than this house!" since I had her do her own tights.
I'm snorting a little because if she ever wears tights to school, they will tell her to dress herself there as well.
The allergist told me today that there is a special place in Heaven for me ;o)
She asked me how I am able to handle this. I told her "I keep a sense of humor, and my husband and I trade off in the evening with her." Doctor thanked God aloud at that moment that her kids are normal and healthy.
UPDATE (to answer a question someone posed):
The doctor at childrens hospital said that while she's constipated, that her bladder has nerve issues. At that time she can only feel the "full" feeling. She's lazy, so she stops peeing out pee after the "full" feeling isn't there anymore, even though she's told daily she has to continue peeing until the pee is done coming out.
She's not constipated any longer. So she should be able to pee just fine on her own. And hold it on her own.
Good thing we are having the neurological appt at Childrens Hospital in April. They will be able to tell us why she's having these developmental delays.
She's not constipated any longer. So she should be able to pee just fine on her own. And hold it on her own.
Good thing we are having the neurological appt at Childrens Hospital in April. They will be able to tell us why she's having these developmental delays.
6 comments:
Please go for just tube socks to start with. She can't get those backwards. Tights are tough for 4.5 (panty hose are tough for 57!). She may be giving up just because too many things are failing all at once. Try keeping a success chart showing every little thing she can do (even if you have to search high and low for something); and then challenge yourself to completely ignore everything she does "wrong" even if she pees on your foot (also ignore cleaning her up, giving her treats unless you can find a time to connect them with something she did "right," etc.) She's SO lucky to have you and her dad in her life! (p.s. just getting her unconstipated isn't enough. she's got to start all over again toilet training after so long with mixed up muscles and brain signals)
Can I ask how long she has been living with you?
I hope I'm not overstepping boundaries here but this behavior is something that my daughter presented several years after being successfully potty trained and long post diapers. After some extended testing and discussion with doctors we decided to take the counseling route with her. After only a few counseling session, life as we knew it would never be the same. It was revealed that she had been sexually assaulted and the potty issue was her way of dealing with it. She was afraid to tell anyone because the man who assaulted her was still very much a part of our lives and she feared what he would do if she talked. It was a long and lengthy battle but once he was prosecuted and sent to prison her fears began to subside and with counseling she was able to fully overcome the potty problems.
Have you had an opportunity to delve into the past for this little girl? Is there a chance that before she came to live with you, she too may have been a victim of sexual abuse?
I'm just posting to let you know that I'm reading. Just know that you are not alone.
I find it very interesting that she will sit there and just pee, then not even want to change clothes. If it were 'just' a nerve issue, I would think she would be upset she peed and want to change. I had wondered if that added to the issue, but it seems like she has many issues that are all inter-related in this problem. You definitely are a saint! Good choice in schools, too. If she keeps getting the same message everywhere it will be so much more productive.
Thanks for all the support guys. I won't be writing about this really over here, but I wanted to give an update since I mentioned it in one post.
Grandmoo-yes, we consider her "potty training". ;o)
Chaotic Joy-She & her sister moved in September 2007.
Belle-Our daughter has been in counseling since September 2007. We agree too that counseling is really beneficial. And we do know her past, for the record.
Christine- ThankYou!
Wendy-yes, we are so thankful the school is great and on board with the same program as us.
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