UPDATE at bottom:
I always have her go potty before we leave the house. We got to preschool 15 minutes later, and she peed her pants on the way to the toilet. Sigh. She didn't want to change clothes, so OK, her choice. She went off to her class. When I picked her up, she was in new clothes (from her backpack). She peed her pants in class, and didn't want to change. The next time the teacher took a group of kids to the potty, she asked our daughter "would you like to come too, and bring your backpack (with clean clothes)" That would be a "yes".
So, they are dealing with her really well at school. Each time she pees her pants they tell her she has to keep her pants dry to go to kindergarten. And they make her change and clean herself. Exactly what I want! They have the same policy and me, and I think it's good for her to have self-care skills. She is sorely behind in that one.
Speaking of self-care, she really has trouble getting dressed. Much of it is just really confusing to her, and I'd say she is a couple years behind in those skills. Today at my allergy doc appt, I told her to take off her tights and put them on right. They were backwards. She took them off, and struggled with them for about an hour, crying, screaming, bawling, and throwing herself around on the ground the entire time. I told her "You are showing me you are really tired. That would mean you need a nap as soon as we get home. It would be sad for you to miss lunch and go straight to a nap." She took it down a notch, but not much better. Still did the routine on and off. It's not like I haven't showed her how to get her tights on. Even today when she was doing it, I showed her multiple times which way is the front. Personally I think she does struggle with this skill, but if I do it for her every time, she'll never learn. I'm not going to handicap her further by stunting her independance. She needs to be pushed gently into independance, like today.
So, according to her, "It's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better to be at preschool than this house!" since I had her do her own tights.
I'm snorting a little because if she ever wears tights to school, they will tell her to dress herself there as well.
She's not constipated any longer. So she should be able to pee just fine on her own. And hold it on her own.
Good thing we are having the neurological appt at Childrens Hospital in April. They will be able to tell us why she's having these developmental delays.