Thursday, February 7, 2008

Poor Showing

Today we headed to the Pediatrician's office for Sarah's 18-month check-up. With Sarah sitting nude save her diaper on the crinkly paper on the examining table, I answered the usual barrage of questions from the nurse. Words, yes coming along nicely. Walking, running, climbing stairs, yes, yes, yes. Drinking milk, not so much but some. No guns in our home. We don't smoke or feed her lead paint...Blah blah blah.

Then in came the doc. She starts in with the questions. This is when I started lying a bit.

Doc: So, she doesn't really like milk?
Me: Not so much. She'll drink a little. She likes chocolate milk.
Doc: Probably don't want to give her chocolate milk, it's pretty much pure sugar.
Me: Er...
Doc: She eats well otherwise?
Me: [relieved to be off the milk topic] Oh yeah, she'll eat anything.
Doc: OK, so you don't give her hard stuff like nuts or popcorn and of course no peanut butter until she's 2.
Me: [Smile and nod] (in fact, I give her all those things on a regular basis. She adores peanut butter and just last night consumed so much popcorn prior to dinner that she scarcely ate a bite of her meal)
Doc: And of course nothing grape sized...
Me: [Smile and nod] (Do grapes count?)
Doc: And you limit TV?
Me: [Again, relieved] She really doesn't care about TV (it's true!). Anyway, we usually only let them watch DVDs or public TV because I object to commercials.
Doc: Well, she really shouldn't get much watching in - you want to do more reading. Even though people say a program's educational it's...it's really not.
Me: Er...
Doc: Her skin is a little bit dry...you bathe her with Dove baby wash?
Me: I use the unscented castile soap for infants
Doc: You want to use a soap with moisturizer, something like Dove.
Me: [Smile, nod, suppress urge to punch doctor]
Doc: OK, the nurse will be right in with her shots!

And that, of course, is when Sarah changed her mind about trusting Mommy.

All-in-all, an excellent visit, I'd say!

10 comments:

Round the Bend said...

Wow... impressive...
I'd give +2 WMP for lying to the medical professionals repeatedly.

Reminds me of CleverMonkey's 3 year check where we were lambasted for not making him wear a bicycle helmet on his tricycle - in the backyard - which he could only make go backwards at 1 mph...

I hate know it all medical professionals. I asked my mother a while ago how she managed to keep a clean house and cook from scratch every day with two kids...
She said "I let you watch a lot of television."

And - I rode unbelted in the back of a station wagon...

Epiphany Alone said...

I dunno...I call for a review on this one...

I regularly feed Lindsay nuts, peanut butter, popcorn, and grapes.

And the Dove Baby Wash? What do you bet that the Unilever rep had just been in with samples?

Your answer was she doesn't watch TV and yet she lectured you about it anyway. She didn't actually listen to any of your answers. She reminds me of Dr Queen of Sheba.

Sister K said...

letting your kid watch pbs? oh what a WME you are (NOT!) i think even mr. rogers would've been offended....

karen said...

I'm kind of with Lady E on this - it sounds like it might be time to get a doctor who doesn't spend so much time reading the parenting magazines in her waiting room.

The Plaid Sheep said...

I don't think doctors actually get trained in listening. They're supposed to, but I think it gets lost after they take You are God and Always Right 101.

Chaotic Joy said...

I still think she gets a point for this. I endure these same questions and am either evasive or tell the truth (usually because I have other kids with me, and I have to set a good example) and then get lectured forever on junk food, and teeth brushing, or choking hazards or...

"Why the heck didn't you call someone earlier about her not walking at 18 months, for goodness sake! You moron!"

After which I get to listen to a repeat lecture from Allison everytime I give her a grape. That girl, never met a rule she didn't love to follow. God Bless her.

So I say, one point for you for lying to save yourself the lectures. Just one point though, because your parenting seems sound to me, the doctor on the other hand needs to relax.

Keith said...

I had a kid once. We had just bathed him and the moisturizing soap caused him to slip down the stairs and slam head-first into his massive collection of children's books. I'm doing ten years for not keeping a helmet on him at all times.

ChefSara said...

I wondered if it occurred to this doctor that maybe it's THE MIDDLE OF WINTER!! Who *doesn't* have dry skin right now?

Grandmoo said...

Lemme c: We had Karen WME on beef ribs, chicken wings, and horseradish before she had teeth. Try harder woman!

luv Abby said...

"do grapes count" that was hysterical.....
Do they really talk to you that way.... does the doctor have a child.... OMG.... what a nightmare. You faired really well though well done