You are SO my hero. I would've definitely lost my cool, thrown the half-dressed kids in the car and sped out of there.I thought I should let you know what transpired while I was ignoring my children to read and comment on blogs, because it pretty well sums up why I am, in fact, Worst Mama.
As I hit "post" I noticed that Lindsay's diaper had taken a turn northward. That is to say the moon was in full view. I have been conducting a Green experiment using these G Diapers which you may or may not have heard about. They have a cloth exterior with a plastic pouch that snaps in and holds a disposable, flushable flat diaper. The cloth outer part secures with velcro. If you have a toddler, you know velcro is a fascination. I figured she'd undone the velcro and eased the diaper along with her leggings down. I picked her up and smelled poop, so I scooped her up to deal with cleaning her up upstairs, knowing my dinner guests (my friend Jessie and her 3-year old son) were due to arrive at any moment.
As I took off the leggings, little turds fell out everywhere. She had somehow managed to pull down her diaper and pooped into a rolled up cuff of legging near her left ankle. I gathered all the errant poops into a wipe and get them into the diaper disposer. I flung the outer diaper along with her clothes into the laundry basket, wiped her down with a wet wipe, and put on a fresh diaper. I managed to zip up her jammies, change her changing table cover, and wash my hands before my guests arrived.
I sighed, thinking well, okay, some poopy laundry to deal with later, no biggie.
After dinner, Lauren managed to step barefooted into a turd on the floor which I cleaned off her foot with a dry cloth napkin. It didn't come off entirely and she didn't have a bath tonight.
And then after our guests left, Lauren found where she'd stepped in the poop - on the bottom step it had been ground in. I sprayed it down with Method Bathroom Cleaner and wiped it up with, yes, you guessed it - another cloth napkin. It took a few tries to get up and in the process, Lindsay decided to sit on the step, getting poop on the bottom of her clean jammies.
That, my friends, THAT is why I am a Worst Mama.