Lindsay sits at the conference room table in the teacher's lounge at 9 AM this morning, eating a snack out of a Pyrex container - CJCIs which are green from being colored with Crayola Washable Markers during a meeting with our pastor, and dino-shaped chicken nuggets from last night's Lenten dinner at church which spent the night in the diaper bag in the car. She has Ranch Dressing in her hair from last night, and her left ear is green from the aforementioned meeting with the pastor.
Lauren's teacher enters. "Her hair looks cute. What product is that?"
I reply, "Hidden Valley Ranch from last night's dinner."
"Hmm." She stifles a laugh.
"It really works for her though. But don't get too close. She smells vaguely like Doritos."
"Did you know I was once a Perfect Mom? And then I had three kids..."
"Yes, I think I know that song. Go ahead and hum a few bars though..."
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Where every day is Zero Nutrition Thursday...
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Twelve of us Mamas make up Worst. Mama. Ever., an informal competition to entertain those of you out there also aspiring to get through this chaotic mess of trying to raise small people.
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2 comments:
LOL!
Let me tell you sometime about the parent teacher interview I had with the parent who worked in a strip club and came (in work attire) to her interview at 7am on her way HOME from work...
When Clara was about 3 months old I went to a parent- teacher conference with Allison's teacher. She sat there and showed me some areas where Allison had been struggling and then showed me a project that she had done poorly on, which I had signed off about knowing she had. I vaguely remembered signing the paper and then never checked with her again to see if she had done the project or how she was doing on it.
I sat there in the teacher conference and just started weeping uncontrollably. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. This teacher, who I hardly even knew, was awkwardly trying to comfort me.
I went home and called my doctor to get on a prescription for my sanity pills. Because since it was obvious that I was going to be a WME I needed to develop a sense of humor about it. :)
"Smells vaguely like Doritos?" Priceless
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