Monday, January 28, 2008

Pissed Off

For the thing I'm pissed off about. My husband called me a "blankety blank".

This is because our 4yr old daughter peed her pants this morning before her nap, she didn't ask for a dry pullup (big health no-no to sit in pee all day), we discovered she had a full pullup a few minutes ago, and she burst into tears telling me she wanted a hug. I told her "pee in pants is wet and smelly. I'll be happy to hug you when you are dry and smell good. Feel free to go take a bath or shower to clean up." I got that idea from several other bloggers who have adopted older children, going thru the "wetting" experience.

So, what does my husband do? He says "Blankety Blank. You are a blankety blank". Swell. AND he scoops up the 4yr old (she's almost 5) and hugs and smothers her in affection. I never said I wouldn't hug her. I gave her a natural consequence for her actions. My husband already thinks it's consequence enough to be in pullups and diapers. I think she needs a gentle reality check, in several aspects of natural consequences, if they apply to the situation. I told my husband "there are lots of consequences to say, being an alcoholic." It's just so. I'm not trying to punish her, but open her eyes to the consequences of her actions.

In the meantime, our daughter is crying profusely into my husband's chest because I won't hug her (since she hasn't bathed yet). I told her "Well, how about if I wet my pants, and ask you to come sit on my wet lap and give me a hug? How would that be?" She screams "NOT GOOD!" Well, there you have it. I told her I feel the same way, but I'm more than happy to hug her when she's cleaned up. Mainly I worry that she has the naive view that this can continue with willy nilly consequences (pullups and diapers), and she thinks the rest of the world is fine with this behavior. I feel it's my job to open her eyes. We have told her countless times that if she pees her pants in kindergarten, kids will make fun of her. We haven't told her this to be mean, but to give her a glimpse of social consequences to her actions. Already she's at the point now where people at church don't want to deal with her in the preschool class. Sigh................Makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but that's another story entirely.

So what do you think? Think I'm a blankety blank for being straight up with her, telling her I would be more than happy to hug her after a bath and clean clothes? Please weigh in. And I really don't think I should be called names...................

5 comments:

Belle said...

No you're not an Ogre. If it makes you feel any better my son was about the same age before he was potty trained. I ended up having to spank his butt and ground him to his room before he would quit pooping in his pants.

Epiphany Alone said...

No, you're not an ogre. It's very hard to parent when you and your partner aren't on the same page, particularly when they let the child know that.

Natural consequences as punishment leaves you without a point. I won't hold Lindsay on my lap when she's stinky, I tell her she needs her diaper changed. If she tells me "No", that's fine, but she doesn't sit on my lap.

*pab said...

I agree with Epiphany, and your husband should NOT be calling you names.

Chaotic Joy said...

Oy!

Special K said...

You are not an ogre. Your husband is an enabler. Putting you in the good cop/bad cop situation. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest. He is going to have to buck up and back you up on this one.