Just here to help

So I've been thinking I really need to jump into the fray here and contribute. Last night, as the girls ran roughshod over the house, I considered what I could share regarding my own ineptitude. As I was picking Sarah's pacifier up from a webbed, dusty corner, brushing it off on my shirt, sticking it in my mouth to be sure it didn't taste too weird, and popping it back in her mouth it occurred to me that I am actually the best mama ever.

This realization caused me to fret. How will I bond with these women, I wondered, when I am so clearly a superior matriarch? I considered the notion further as I was in the kitchen, granting Kate's request to have nothing but a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner - I threw in a fully charged juice box just because I really am that swell. As I brought Kate's food to her in the TV room and let her eat it while watching a movie instead of doing the cutting and pasting activity I'd suggested, I tried to think of any poor parenting I'd performed. Would it be fair to talk about their father's failings? He's had a few, I must say...

I had to interrupt my pontification to relocate Sarah, who I realized I hadn't seen in a solid 5 minutes. A brief search revealed that she was once again face-down in the dog's water bowl in the kitchen. Whew, at least she was nowhere near the outlets! I've long since lost the safety covers to those.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, my conclusion - instead of being able to share tales of stumblings and errors, I will instead have to provide council and advice to all these other poor, wayward mamas. It's nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, not everyone is naturally endowed with flawless mothering skills. And that is why, no matter what, I will be here to help. I pledge that to all of you! Now if you'll excuse me I really need to call the pediatrician to get the list of recommended dentists again. I've lost it 3 times and still haven't gotten Kate in once. Not to worry, Kate has perfect teeth.