Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Chris, As My Second

We have two boys, ages 8 and 6. Our next-door neighbors have two girls, 8 and 4, and their next-door neighbors have a girl, 6 and a boy, 4. Six kids in all, two 8, two 6, and two 4; three boys, three girls; all good looking and personable. It's really disgusting and movie-like sometimes but we suffer through.

An afternoon of any weather will find this gang of kids roaming yards and forest, in search of adventure. Today's session was heralded by a ring on our doorbell and a tiny voice calling, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" through the screen (the youngest boy's superpower is an invisible helium tank - he constantly sounds as if he's just inhaled a balloon). I had my hands full of something and Chris was in the attic gathering things for our upcoming weekend trip so I called out toward the door that our kids were in the yard, which I thought would inspire our visitor to head for the yard and find the kids.

Alas, no - next thing I heard was our door creaking under the strain of being pulled open from below, by someone not quite tall enough to be comfortable reaching the handle. I poked my head out of the kitchen, into the hall. "Hello there," I said to the child (not mine) who was standing half-in and half-out of the house. "I'm sorry if you didn't hear me - the boys are out in the yard."

There was a brief pause in his struggle to manage keeping the door pushed open while he mounted the single step into the house but then he forded on, trying again with, "Excuse me!"

I have learned Mother Noises, so I cleared my throat in the attention getting way and calmly said, "Please stop. You were not invited into our house - you'll have to go back out." He stammered a bit but my gaze did not waver and he eventually let himself out, backward. Clearly, his saving throw was no match for my level 8 Mother Voice.

I thought he might call out or ring again from the porch but he didn't. Instead, I heard him meet up with Ross on the front walk and tell him that his mother is really mean! Ross instantly dove to my defense, making my heart swell about three sizes - it swelled so much that I didn't even care that mean doesn't earn any points (which Chris was careful to point out...).

All in all, no points for me today. Actually, probably no points for me this week; I've been letting the kids play with their Webkinz on-line and (you knew I would do this...) even logging in to get special items for their Webkinz if the bonus times happen while the kids are at day camp.

Chris, on the other hand, has been racking them up on my behalf. He single-handedly managed to make both kids cry during shower time tonight (Chris is a much better towel-snapper than he knew). He refused to let the kids play with their Webkinz until they'd cleaned up their real-life toys. He even - I hope you're sitting down - made each of them eat most of their pork chops before he'd let them have seconds on tater-tots at dinner! The Worst. Mama. Ever. couldn't be more proud of her spouse!


sister k said...

i'd say you still get at least 1 WMP for not at least 1st asking if the kid was ok before you "so meanly" sent him back out! what if the "excuse me" had been trying to get your attn. because he was in need or something bad happened at his house? you're so mean... & 1 WMP for your stare. I know that stare :)

Kicking N. Screaming said...

I'd have to say only one point for the combined kicking out (someone needs to teach that kid to announce that he's been kicked out of better places, where is his WME?) and the stare, but I might be willing to give the extra one for marrying someone so mean. That is, if I can rack one up for a husband who, while strolling to the lake to feed the ducks tells his 3-year-old, when she asks what the duckies eat, that "ducks eat little girls".

The Plaid Sheep said...

A little terror is part of the magic of childhood. Boogey men, goblins, child eating ducks...and scary moms.

Joy, of course said...

I say 1 WMP for Karen, because I was thinking the same thing. Did she not even ask this child if they needed anything? But thats it. No WMPs for marrying meanies. You don't want to get in that race with me anyway.

sister k said...

but the stare is definitely worth 1 pt. all by itself...believe me! but, the kicking out, maybe not so mean...that kid'll eventually be grateful that he had practice for when he's old enough to get kicked out of a bar :)