Things That Make You Say Eeeeeeew

A week ago while we were out, Chris noticed that it looked as if Lars had poked a bright green marker into his ear. Closer inspection suggested we just hadn't cleaned his ears out in a while, so we made a mental note to do that when we got home. We finally remembered it had to be done and sorted out who would man the cotton swabs - Chris lost the staring contest. His excavation rendered a wheelbarrow full of sticky, bright green (stuff we hope is) earwax, vibrant enough to impress our six year old into an immediate need to phone a friend to tell the Tale of the Mutant Earwax. We're considering using it to fill the hole in the floor by the corner of their bathtub, where the water collects when they forget to keep the shower curtain liner inside the tub or when they do improvisational dances with the hose-connected shower head.

Ross was - under duress - doing his chore, which is to empty the trash cans once a week. At the bottom of one basket, he found a partially chewed wad of gum with something resembling confetti mashed up in it. A quick sniff determined the revolting wad to be Nerds Gum. The look of pure disgust Ross wore clearly indicated he was not the perpetrator of the dual crimes, Chewing Gum Without Permission, and Throwing Gum Away Naked (TGAN). The mixed look of extreme indignation and shock Lars wore clearly indicated he thought there'd be more of a question over who'd made that particular mess. Never one to miss a glowing opportunity, I said, "Lars, if you quietly brush your teeth really well, get into your bed, and don't make me come back even once to tell you it's time to sleep, I'll be so shocked that I'll forget all about the TGAN." Ross looked a little affronted that his brother would get off so easily but got over it fast when I swabbed up the gooey wad and seven minutes later, I was downstairs enjoying the evening and wondering how many decades of the Rosary I'd have to do to make bedtime like that every night. It can't be as easy as strategic placement of revolting lumps of gum and making obtuse threats about how the mess will be dealt with, can it?